Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
