God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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