did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
