Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Randomize
