I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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