Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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