Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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