Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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