Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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