Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize