i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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