I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize