There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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