clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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