I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
