So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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