Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
