I'm sorry my penis didn't work
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
