I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
