Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
