they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
