I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
