If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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