She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
