sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
