I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
