Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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