so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
