i just google imaged poop.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
