I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
