i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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