I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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