It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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