i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
