There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just pee around me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize