he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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