Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize