Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
