do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
