I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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