She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
