maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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