...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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