she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
