Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
