What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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