so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
