Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
