I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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