Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize