My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
