if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
