Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't turn off my feet"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
