am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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