in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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