Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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