im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
