I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
