Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
