saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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