To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
