I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
