glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
