Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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