Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
