hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
